Sometimes i do

sometimes i run out of hate
sometimes i run out of rage
sometimes i look back and curse and think
so utterly stupid? 
so utterly human and stupid as well.
sometimes i remember there's stuff to do
time to spend 
love to deliver
junk to reuse. And I do.
i love when my camera is working
i love when i laugh at the phone
i love feeling cute and happy and wiser -i hope-
Sometimes i dream and i really wish those dreams to come truth. I used to take them as a signal... but they do not hide the truth. They hide my wishes and deep desires. They're just an exageration of my personality and a sad joke that shows how i wanted those people to behave or be. Yeah, sad joke, sad truth.
Sometimes i don't know if it's whether a good thing to forgive and let rage dry. Once it's gone i start wondering what if it never comes back. What if i start craving the past because i forgot all the pain. That would be really stupid but what about hating and getting angry every time? what about choosing hate as a way out?
I asume i shouldn't be thinking this kind of stuff. I am supposed to be better after a month of treatment, but it seems it's not that simple as follow some instructions. It's getting heavy again but it's clearly lighter.
Sometimes i try to be less broken, and sometimes i finally do.