I wanna know that sometimes I'm right, that i'm exactly where i should be, but it seems i belong nowhere and i agree but i really don't understand what the hell am i doing in this world if i pray asking to die and no matter how much i mean it i keep waking up every morning and the ones that do die remind me i am really stupid, that i should be thankful because i've got family and friends and home and truth is i try really hard, and i do thank , but i can't see the point of living a life that everyone else would live and enjoy and do everything better than me in my place.
I lack of desires, i've heard too many times that the fuck i wish is impossible or that i shouldn't expect that shit. I prefer not to think about desires, but when i wanna take the chance and consider my own will, i find nothing. I forgot how to make a simple wish or how to expect something without caring if it gets real.
Memories are almost gone. I begged for a long time not to lose them, ever. It's not even painfull to remember. Always though it would harm as hell to take a sit and watch all the shit that's gone, but it doesn't. I find it difficult to believe that i really enjoyed the things when i had them, so it hurts but in a different way, 'cause i believe I wasted every single moment, because i look at the mirror and i know i'm a fool always overthinking. I can't even remember if I was happy, can't recall it now no matter how much i try, but I really, really hope i was.
I wish I could see clearly, I wish i was different and i though different and i didn't care if everything falls apart or changes or ends.
